I was day dreaming a couple days ago as I walked to work and got emotional.  I thought about Brian, Ellen, Mike, Adam, and the lady with the hat.  And felt pain like I hadn’t felt in a long time.  I’ve read a lot of books by a lot of famous guys.  Most of them about church growth.  Because if you didn’t know this, I want to be a senior pastor at a church… hopefully this comes sooner than later.

But I was developing my future churches belief system, and I realized I’ve never thought about how my church will ‘handle’ homosexuals, and immediately God humbled me.  I came to the point of quoting, with tears, Jon Foreman;

“would you create in me a clean heart oh God,

Restore in me the joy of your salvation.”

I realized that through all these books that talked about how to reach, men, women, children, youth, black, white, latino.  It was never talked about how to reach those who need to feel love from a religion which has failed them.

A religion the preaches 

Even though the christ preached love your neighbor as yourself, I wonder what the sign they hold up against themselves look like.

Anyway, let me say to you who deal with lustful thoughts, saying God’s name in vein, or you idol worshipers, God has the same judgement for you. Sin is Sin, and no matter how you spin it, you are hell bound with it in your life.

But every week in most churches the way out of bondage is preached, even the fact that you will sin again is preached and brought up, but that same love isn’t shown to someone who is homosexual?

Why is it, that as a body of believers, we have decided that the Father isn’t good enough at judgement and that he needs us to help him?


Good verses today


Here are some of the verses that impacted me, I have no time to give commentary today…

Deuteronomy 30

4“If your outcasts are at the ends of the earth, (H)from there the LORD your God will gather you, and from there He will bring you back.

6“Moreover (K)the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, (L)to love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live.

14“But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may observe it.

Deuteronomy 31

6(G)Be strong and courageous, (H)do not be afraid or tremble at them, for (I)the LORD your God is the one who goes with you (J)He will not fail you or forsake you.”

18“But I will surely hide My face in that day because of all the evil which they will do, for they will turn to other gods.

Psalm 40

2He brought me up out of the (C)pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,
And (D)He set my feet upon a rock (E)making my footsteps firm.

8(O)I delight to do Your will, O my God;
(P)Your Law is within my heart.”

11You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your (V)lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.

17Since (AI)I am afflicted and needy,
(AJ)Let the Lord be mindful of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
Do not delay, O my God.

1 Corinthians 1

13Has Christ been divided?

17(AG)For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, (AH)not in cleverness of speech, so that the cross of Christ would not be made void.

Some good scriptures from the life journal today,

Deuteronomy 28

6“Blessed shall you be (E)when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.

(I just saw sesame street and they explained the difference between in and out… very good stuff, thanks Maarley)

10“So all the peoples of the earth will see that (H)you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will be afraid of you.

(I guess I like the idea of people fearing me because I have set myself so in line with the one who created me,  they have the fear of God and I reflect that, Most people when they encounter me find fearing me a joke, and there might be something to that.)

21(U)The LORD will make the pestilence cling to you until He has consumed you from the land where you are entering to possess it.

(A pestilence is any virulent and highly infectious disease that can cause an epidemic or even a pandemic,  So if I read this definition correctly, your sin, or failure to follow what God is commanding you to do, can cause not only you to become ill (physically and spiritually), but also, may start an illness that reaches far beyond you and your grasp.  I guess its kind of humbling to think that not only can I make a great impact on the world with my decisions, but also I can cause such sickness and disease, because of my ignoring of the spirits call upon my life.)

53(BF)Then you shall eat the offspring of your own body, the flesh of your sons and of your daughters whom the LORD your God has given you, during the siege and the distress by which your enemy will oppress you.

(this imagery is pretty rough but I feel like its important to understand that he is speaking of the lowest of low moments.  The time when you have nothing left, this pandemic is so eroding your soul that the only way to live is if you eat your children.  hopefully no one is in this place but we all (that have children) have been to the place where our decisions impact our children in the worst way.)

65(BS)Among those nations you shall find no rest, and there will be no resting place for the sole of your foot; but there (BT)the LORD will give you a trembling heart, failing of eyes, and despair of soul. 66“So your life shall hang in doubt before you; and you will be in dread night and day, and shall have no assurance of your life.

(and he wraps up 28 with the fear of loneliness)

Deuteronomy 29

2And Moses summoned all Israel and said to them, “You have seen all that the LORD did before your eyes in the land of Egypt to Pharaoh and all his servants and all his land; 3(C)the great trials which your eyes have seen, those great signs and wonders. 4“Yet to this day (D)the LORD has not given you a heart to know, nor eyes to see, nor ears to hear.

(this is really what affected me from 29, the idea that these people saw water raise and split, then fall upon the Egyptian army, then they have walked so long and hard and show no effect, even food falls from the sky, and they don’t get what God’s got for them.  But Moses says it’s not their fault, God hasn’t given them a heart to know, eyes to see, and no ears to hear. so my mind is so free will based that when I read this it erupts anger within me, it makes me ask, “well then whats the point of sharing the gospel if God pre-selects who hears it.  why don’t I just live for Him and let God make the people he has pre-selected.”)

Galatians 6

4But each one must (H)examine his own work, and then he will have reason for (I)boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. 5For (J)each one will bear his own load.

(you’re responsible for you. it’s the same idea as don’t remove the sliver from someone elses eye, when you got a 2/4 in your own)

10So then, (U)while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the (V)household of (W)the faith.

(ending on this, I have always had my focus on the non believers, because I feel like that was what Jesus’ focus was on, but the more I thought about the more I realized that Jesus hung out with the ones who believed in the father, but were a little screwed up, like most Pentecostals look at the catholics.  Jesus didn’t try to swerve the atheist, he tried the show the religious God’s love instead of God’s law.  A lot of times, I show Gods law inside of my little box, maybe its time for some in-house love…)

last night I was working at fred meyers and a thought went through my mind, i know what a shocker.  this thought was a strong opinion, and was somewhat offensive. so immediately i swallowed my pride and just let said thought fester.

sadly it was an incredibly slow night so i had two option, think about this opinion or sing “one way, or another”

and no matter how badly i wanted to sing in a hallo low female voice, and scare any remaining customers away, the truth is that all i could think about was my offensive opinion.

being trained as a pastor, offensive opinions are what i am taught to shy away from and in my ministry i have tried very hard to avoid in resemblance of my schooling.

but this isn’t ministry, this is work, and offending someone could mean having less money than i already have. so it boiled in me,  then all of a sudden i started thinking about why this thought is controlling me so much, why is it all i can think about.  and the conclusion i came to is because i have no output anymore.

i have no authority, i have no one coming to me, asking me for advice, for the next step, or how to beat their demons.  all i have is an 8 month old that would rather spit up on me, then listen to me.

so i guess that is what this is.  my platform, my shoebox.

i fully understand my misspelling’s, and grammatical heresies, so feel free not to point them out.  if you can get past that, i would love to share my heart with you.